A Mother Wound. 💔 The Drum Beat of the Soul. 🥁 Find Your Voice.🎶 What Does Killing the Twin Mean?

Sonya Herrera
May 15
7 min read

Updated: May 16

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#*What Does Killing the Twin Mean?*

The first time this idea appeared was in a video:

"Bullied Boy Thinks This is a Normal Monkey Until He Turns its Key and People Die" by Quick Recap.

In the video, a man walks into a shop, desperate to return a toy monkey. He claims that every time the monkey beats its drum, someone dies. The shop owner doesn’t believe him. He winds the key, and—an ax falls. The owner dies. The man then burns the shop down. He leaves behind his twin sons, Bill and Hill.

The monkey stands as an omen, marking the Year of the Monkey in Chinese astrology—the year I was born.

Bill is cruel. A bully. Hill, his brother, wishes Bill would disappear. After a humiliating encounter, Hill turns the monkey’s key and wishes for Bill’s death. Instead, their mother’s head explodes.

#*A Mother Wound*

In Vedic astrology, I have Rahu in Ashlesha, a placement heavy with karmic entanglements. Ashlesha, ruled by the Nagas, is a seat of secrecy, transformation, and emotional intensity. With Rahu here, these qualities are magnified, shaping a tangled relationship with the mother.

This placement often signals a mother who is intuitive, secretive, emotionally intense—perhaps even manipulative or distant. Cycles of emotional highs and lows thread through the bond, demanding introspection and healing.

Karmically, Rahu in Ashlesha calls for lessons in emotional boundaries, trust, and transformation. The path is lined with power struggles, inherited subconscious patterns, and the need to unbind from maternal lineage.

#*A dream*

At the start of the dream, I walk down cobblestone roads with my sisters, mom, and grandmas. We enter a shoe store, but they’re rushing me—forcing me to choose before I’m ready.

(**To read the full dream:** [Getting New Shoes—Surrendering Control of the Emperor, Alchemy into Gold](https://www.awenomali.com/post/getting-new-shoes-surrendering-from-control-of-the-emperor-alchemy-into-gold))

#*The Curse*

There were dreams. Several.

Each one carried the same presence—a possession, a curse passed through the women in my family.

I had one dream where I was at like a family reunion. We were in a big house, but something was lurking. Something unseen. I told my mom, but she played oblivious. Dismissed me. Ignored me. Said I shouldn’t speak on it.

That night, as I lay in bed, something started hitting the mattress.

No shape, no body—just force.

I reached into the darkness, and it pulled at me—like an invisible black hole, a demon with no face. I screamed for help. No one listened.

I got away.

Tried again to tell my mom.

Again, ignored, blown off, brushed off.

Then my brother held up a pregnancy test. His wife was pregnant. Celebration. My mom, my step dad, and everyone was smiling, taking pictures. I kept trying to tell them—**something is happening**—but no one heard me.

The force grabbed hold of me again and lifted me, dragging me up in the air. I screamed, but it sucked the sound away.

My niece came toward me, but it took her, too.

Invisible hands twisting her arm—**back and forth, back and forth**—then she was floating.

Screaming.

Silenced.

Her mom, my sister, FINALLY noticed, though at first she was just like my mom—blind to the thing that was dragging us under. She ran toward us. It grabbed her, too.

And then—my mom saw us.

She walked right up, watching us struggle, watching us fight against it, and said:

"I’m not going to listen to you when you act like that."

She walked away.

I stopped.

I relaxed.

A song lyric surfaced in my mind, one from church at a t young age. One that I didn't believe in. One that I don't go to:

*"Oh Lord, my God

When I, in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder

Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art"*

And it rung over and over in my soul

"Then sings my soul"

"Then sings my soul."

Over and over, like an incantation. And suddenly, I felt peace.

I lowered to the ground.

The thing lost its grip.

I walked into the kitchen.

My ex husband had helped my mom repaint the walls and cupboards—purple and pink foamy swirls over the blue and green foamy swirls they had previously painted.

"Why are you covering up all the other colors?" I asked.

#*Judgment and the Twin*

Seeing the mother’s head explode—while Bill and Hill were still young—makes me think there’s an undeniable mother wound within the twins. It’s something I’ve felt in my own life, too. With my mother, My friends who are mothers and My mother-in-laws.

These children were young. No true parental figure. Whether emotionally absent or literally gone, there was no anchor.

After the killings, the twins chopped up the monkey and threw it down a well.

But it is found again.

Later.

It returns.

The monkey—a symbol of part of the self.

The self who is a killer.

Not literally.

But consider this:

"You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment. But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment."

Matthew 5:21-22

Most ignore this. Most don’t consider that to be angry is to stand at the edge of judgment, the same edge as murder.

To be angry, you must cast judgment. And the way you judge is the way you will be judged.

Judgment isn’t some external decree from a divine force—at least not for me.

It’s the act of defining someone.

The act of boxing them in.

The act of determining who they are.

And the way you define someone?

It’s a mirror.

Not necessarily the truth about them, but the truth about you.

The wrath we experience is the very wrath we carry.

So, how many murders have I performed through judgment alone?

I know I’ve committed a lot.

#*A Return*

Years pass. The twins have been separated.

If someone represents this twin in my life, then they are someone I’ve lost. Someone I was split from.

But the killings resurface.

Hill finds out Bill tried to recover the monkey, and somehow, it’s back.

Returned.

Then, Hill realizes something.

The monkey only kills those with evil in their hearts.

It is the drumbeat of karma.

Their aunt’s face catches fire, and I am reminded:

"Repay no one evil for evil. Do not avenge yourselves, but leave room for wrath. Vengeance is Mine. I will repay," says the Lord.

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. In doing so, you will heap coals of fire upon his head."

"Do not be overcome by evil. Overcome evil with good."

Romans 12:17-21

#*The Lying Twin*

You don’t have to do it.

Just turn the key and let the monkey do its job.

Hill finds out that Bill blames him for their mother’s death.

Bill wanted him dead.

But first—an apology. A reconciliation.

Then, the monkey played.

Bill was killed.

And only afterward does Hill realize—Bill was plotting to kill him all along.

The reconciliation? A lie. A deception.

Bill was only trying to position Hill exactly where he needed him—to strike.

A fake reconciliation?

The second video appeared:

"Margaret Remembers a Royal Childhood" — The Crown.

Margaret, a twin, a shadow in the palace.

Her father—maybe?—chastises her.

Tells her she is meant to be subservient to her sister. That is her place.

She walks away, just looking at her twin.

Then, another video:

"Emily Betrays Faith and Drowns Her in the Lake" — A Simple Favor.

Emily tells the story—**how she drowned her twin**.

Her twin was a drug addict. A blackmailer.

She was jealous. She wanted money.

Emily agreed to meet her.

They went for a swim.

Emily held Faith under.

So, the lying twin must die. The betraying twin must die.

But who is the twin?

Is it someone outside of me?

Or is it me?

The voice in my head?

The one blackmailing me?.

The one tricking me into choices I don’t want to make?.

The one whispering—*"You have to do this, or you’re ruined?"*

The one that wants to kill my soul?

Maybe I will end it. For good.

**Who or What is the Twin?

A week ago, I saw unity with a twin.

Now, a fake reconciliation.

I wonder—

Does this have something to do with working a job for someone else?

I start at the resort in a few days.

Or is it someone I had a misunderstanding with that wants to come back in my life or recently has?

I have to understand this:

I don't actually need to know if it exists in someone outside me because when someone wrongs me, when I can truly forgive them to the point of understanding them, karma is activated.

By the time it happens, I don’t want it to.

I no longer wish harm upon them.

I have reached peace within myself, a faith and trust, that the bitter was to make me better, as if it has to happen—

I needed something from it.

I gained something from it

It was the drum beat of my soul.. My heart. My souls voice that causes the mother's head to explode and the twin that wants to silence it to die. I want that monkey to be hidden out of site but now I realize it protects me.

And the monkey beats the drum.

And my SOUL SINGS!

A Voice so Powerful, the Devil Dies.

Chains, curses, & Bondages break!

My children's voices will be heard!

They will not be silenced, chopped and thrown into the well, no matter how many heads explode.