What Physicists Turning Lead into Gold 🪙 Taught Me About Alchemy & Finding the Elixir of Life

An article popped up today from ScienceAlert.com: "Scientists Witness Lead Literally Turn Into Gold In The Large Hadron Collider." The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN has pulled off a feat straight out of medieval alchemy—turning lead into gold, albeit briefly and in minuscule amounts.

This transformation happens when high-speed lead nuclei, traveling at nearly the speed of light, pass close to each other without colliding directly. Their intense electromagnetic fields generate pulses of photons, stripping away protons from lead atoms. But the amount of gold created is infinitesimal, and these gold atoms exist only for fractions of a second before disintegrating or colliding with the walls of the collider.

This is what alchemists were chasing forever—but silly alchemists. Didn’t they realize it was never about turning actual lead into gold? And I thought, "Oh good, I'm going to learn how I'm turning the lead in me into gold."

Alchemists chased this secret for centuries—silly alchemists. Didn’t they realize it was never about turning actual lead into gold? The real transmutation was something deeper. 

"Oh good," I thought. "I’m finally going to learn how to turn the lead within me into gold."

Alchemists believed that if they could transform base metals into gold, they might also unlock the Elixir of Life, granting immortality and eternal youth. At the heart of their pursuit was the Philosopher’s Stone, a mystical catalyst thought to perfect anything it touched, including the human body—rejuvenation, enlightenment, transcendence. What they didn’t understand was that the true alchemy began in the subconscious. Transmute the lead in the subconscious, and the body will follow. That was the real elixir—the secret to transforming decay into something immortal.

Jellyfish do it. They reverse their age, grow young again, regenerate. Why wouldn’t we?

Physics hints at the same mystery. When high-speed lead nuclei pass close to each other, their intense electromagnetic fields generate pulses of photons, stripping away protons. With lead holding 82 protons and gold only 79, the loss of three protons effectively transmutes lead into gold. Electromagnetic dissociation—a phenomenon capable of producing thallium (81 protons) or mercury (80 protons), depending on how much is lost.

Mercury. The sacred trickster, the messenger between worlds, moving effortlessly from heaven to earth. To humans, it’s poison. But to the alchemist, it is a mirror—reflecting back the one who dares to see. He was also the god of communication, trade, and travel. But also deception. Transformation. He alone could traverse the realms of gods, mortals, and the underworld, bridging opposites—light and dark, truth and illusion, movement and stillness. Mercury is the shapeshifter, the one who bends reality.

And Thallium—a silvery-white metal, soft yet toxic, never found freely in nature. It lurks in the shadows of electronics, its name rooted in the Greek thallos, meaning "green shoot" or "twig," inspired by the spectral green glow observed when it was discovered. Symbolically, it is the embodiment of hidden dangers, transformation, and deception. Its toxicity makes it a secret-keeper, its ever-shifting form a master of illusion and metamorphosis.

It clicked. Green shoots. Twigs. The rex rabbits ate the green shoots of the willows. And by doing so, they fertilized the desert. To understand what I’m referring to, check out this story in my blogs. 

 https://www.awenomali.com/post/wishes-are-children-careful-the-tale-you-tell-that-is-the-spell-children-will-listen-wishes

Deserts in the Bible often symbolize the void, chaos, desolation. 

There were parts of me that were desert, but I was starting to awaken growth in that wasteland with baby willow shoots. But if I wanted the desert to become a lush oasis, I needed those rex rabbits to come eat my shoots and shit all over me. Apparently. If my baby willow shoots were Thallium then maybe those rex rabbits did me a favor. Helping me expose and rid the toxic parts of myself. 

The Lead in Them That Excites the Lead in Me

There are certain people I meet where the attraction is instantaneous. It has nothing to do with looks. It’s something I sense—raw, instinctual. Kai was one of those people, but there were others. 

The electromagnetic fields generated pulses of photons? It was a strong, excited electromagnetic force.

In alchemy, lead represents the beginning of transformation, the base state of matter and spirit—a raw starting point yearning for refinement and enlightenment. It is prima materia, the unrefined substance from which the alchemist’s work begins, marking the initial stage of the alchemical process. 

Lead carries a dual nature—both malefic and purifying. On one hand, it embodies burdens, hardships, and impurities that must be overcome. On the other, it is a purifier, burning away imperfections through trials, much like the human soul must endure life’s tribulations to reach spiritual refinement

The lead in me, the lead in him—it created a strong electromagnetic force. A raw, instinctual attraction.

Lead is also tied to Saturn—the devil in tarot. It’s the card I always pull for people I feel this kind of attraction to.  Saturn, the Taskmaster, the Lord of Karma, embodies themes of restriction, discipline, obsession, addiction, and perseverance.  Saturn’s rings symbolize boundaries and limitations. 

Most people think that to get the gold, it’s about preserving and enduring. Yes, they get the reward—but not because they persevered. It was because they let go of those three protons. The deep-rooted protons keeping them toxic. 

Lead, Thallium, and Mercury—all highly toxic.

This eliminates some confusion, for fucking sure.

You Are Gold 🪙 

The first person who i threw down the fiery devil card for was Gabriel. About a year ago, I tried asking him for help—tried to make sense of why the hell I get obsessed with certain people, why it feels like a damn addiction. He told me never to talk to him again and called me a stupid bitch.

The second person didn’t pull the devil card—he pulled Mercury. The Magic Man.

I went on a few adventures with him, but the last one—there was a blizzard outside. He wanted me to come see him, stay with him. I wanted to. Bad. But I was afraid of getting stuck in the mountains in the storm. I thought maybe it's my worry that was creating the storm. I decided what I wanted—and I left. Confirmation after confirmation flooded in. Even the numbers were going insane with synchronicities, constantly. 

The weird part? The Magic Man was a drug dealer. In and out of jail. Addicted to meth. Yet somehow, God and the Universe seemed to be pushing me toward him. Why? Was I supposed to be in that landscape? That space? It made no sense.

I had a lot of fun with him. He was inquisitive, intense, passionate, loving—and I loved listening to him struggle to pronounce his Rs. But then he’d disappear. I’d sit in the car for hours, waiting outside hotel rooms. He’d smoke meth in the bathroom. His sister-in-law would stay in the room with us. And some mornings, I’d wake up to find him wrapped around me so tightly 😚—like a snake🐍.

And then one day, devastation. He asked me to come pick him up. I drove to the parking lot, waited—he said he was on his way. 

Nothing.

The next day—I waited. 

Nothing.

Six months.

Nothing.

What the fuck was this?

Find the gems in the dark....  

Find the gems in the dark....

Find the gems in the dark.... 

What fucking gems?

Person number three. Eli.

I met Eli online, on Facebook. He sent me a friend request, and I found him fascinating—he looked like a lover I had twenty years ago. We talked a lot. Once, I pulled a reading on him. The Devil.  🙄 I asked, Do you have any addictions? But one thing I remembered most: his reading said this was his chance to let go of toxic patterns and have the love of a lifetime.

It wasn’t just about him. It was about me, too—because everything, everyone, is telling a story about me. My reflection. My projection. My simulation.

I drove four hours to pick him up from the bus stop. He was going to stay with me—who knows how long. The night before, he played music in the streets with a sign that said he was earning money for a bus ticket to see the love of his life. Me. Someone felt that, and threw 200 bucks in his guitar case.

As I waited at the bus stop, the electromagnetic activity in me was so strong my vision started going black. Holy shit!! Calm down, Sonya. Calm down.

He was the last one off the bus, and I was overly excited to see him. He always wore the most creative outfits—half a suit, bones stitched onto the fabric. Handmade. 

But I had this nagging feeling. A familiar worry. 

Still, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We stopped at a gas station, and when I came back to the car, I caught a scent in the air. My heart sank. *Damnit. Really? What fucking drug is that!?!"

Back at my apartment, he disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the click of a torch, caught another scent. What was it? When he stepped out, he knew something was off with me. 

“I know things,” I said. “I just know. Don’t hide from me.”

Then we made love. Over and over, for two days.  

He was a chef—cooked for me, added cool touches to my apartment when I was out making deliveries. We went thrifting, stopped by music stores. He told people I was his girlfriend.  😍

And then—two days later—everything cracked apart.

He started jumping out of bed, cussing, throwing shit, snapping at me. I was confused. Scared. Had I let a psycho into my home? What the hell is happening?

I left. Drove around for a while. 

When I came back, I confronted him. Finally, he admitted it. 

*"Can you help me get some blues?"

He was addicted to fentanyl. Really? Fuck!!! God damnit!!! Why the fuck does this always happen to me? Why do I love these people so much?

"No I'm not going to help you get fentanyl."

Then came the explosions of volatile anger and emotions.  What followed was four days of hell.  

He insisted on coming with me on deliveries. I didn’t mind—until he started getting passive-aggressive about what he wanted. I dropped him off at my apartment to cool down. He threw a fit, hit the windows like I was abandoning him—even though he knew the damn code to get in.

“Don’t you want it to be like the first two days?” he asked. “Just love each other and have fun?” 

I started crying. "Yes. More than anything, I want that."

"Then just help me get some drugs" he said. 

I cried harder. I said, "I want you more than anything but I can't but I'm not going to get myself into the cycle of helping you with a supply of drugs." 

And he started yelling at me. I was crying pretty hard on the floor and he told me to get out of there and I did. I didn't want him around me.  

A Wet Wedding

My friend was getting married. I told Joe I was going alone—he was unpredictable, erratic and he looked and smelt like shit. But he cleaned up, put on one of his awesome suits that he made, and wanted to come. I was elated. 

Then—he walked into the wedding with the psychopath look on his face. That eerie stare I recognized from an ex that would get that look right before he did some crazy ass shit. 

I turned to him, I’m ready to leave. Are you coming? 

I walked to my car. 

Twenty minutes later, he showed up—soaking wet, still in his suit. 

He’d been kicked out of the hotel.

My sister and brother told me later—some dude in a suit walked straight into the pool in his suit. T

My sister said he had the look on his face that my ex used to get.

My sister thought it was hilarious. No one else did. They kicked him the fuck out. 

My brother turned to my sister, "isn't that the guy Sonya brought?" 

My family laughed "Oh! 😂 that would make sense."

At first, I was pissed. And then—I couldn’t stop laughing. 😆😂🤣😭

He was irritated. But eventually, even he had to admit—it was pretty damn funny.

After that, he decided to go home.  

I drove him for hours back.  I drive him around the city in the middle of the night, hiim searching for his damn drugs. 

At one point he started singing a love song too me. And I was looking at him all dreamy eyed. 😍 He said, "look at you melt like butter" 🫠I'm so melting like butter. All night I was parking in dark places wanting to fuck and he was looking in dark places for drugs, neither one of us getting what we were looking for. 

Then we got back to the gas station where the bus would be coming. He went in and I fell asleep in the car. He comes back to car and starts showing me gifts for me that he had stolen. 

I

 smiled and said, "Oh, how sweet of you."

*"Now will you go in and ask where you can find drugs in this town."

And I said, "No."* So he started throwing shit and hitting shit in my car and called me a stupid fucking bitch saying I stole this for you!!!  

I told him to get out of my car. I didn’t need to wait for the bus with him. He yelled, You’re leaving me out in the cold? 

“Go inside the building,” I told him. 

And then—I left.  

I was devastated.  

I loved him. So much. 

After he left, the messages kept coming. Go after him. Drive over there. Just go. 

And I thought—*Why the fuck would I be getting these messages?*  

Then came the whisper: Find the gems in the dark.  

I found out he was seeing someone else.  

Eventually, we all became friends. Me and her. Me and him. Me and his new girlfriend now.  

He apologized—profusely. And in general, he really is so sweet. But obviously hurt. As a musician, he could use that hurt—turn it into songs.  

But I was wrecked. For almost two months, I cried every day. Sometimes all day. It bled into my work. I got evicted and lost my car all on the same a little over two months after he left.

Then there was Kai. (Stories with Kairo)  https://www.awenomali.com/blog/categories/kairo

All Those Missed Doors

So—every time I felt that instant, insane magnetism, it was a chance to turn something in me into gold. But so far, I’ve only managed to produce Thallium and Mercury from the Lead.  

Or maybe—maybe there were moments of Gold. But like in those physics experiments, they disappeared instantly. Gone.  

And then there’s Ezra. His symbols are different. Luck. Fortune. Gold. But also death. Darkness.  

The journey from Lead to Gold is a metaphor for spiritual elevation—the alchemist’s arduous path toward achieving the Great Work.  

It seems that to get the Gold, I have to get close to Lead—the Lead in other people. And I have to let go of the right amount of protons—the deep-rooted stories in my subconscious that no longer belong.  

And then—I’ll be the Gold I’ve been searching for.  

I’ll have found the Elixir of Life.  

By Sonya Herrera

✨❤️‍🔥🏵️ AWEnomALi🏵️❤️‍🔥✨

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